That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
love makes seman taste better
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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