if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize