Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
