Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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