i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
