She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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