were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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