I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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