doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
