I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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