If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
