I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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