Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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