Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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