careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
