It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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