that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
