I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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