You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations