If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
