OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
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He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
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You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.