i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.