I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
