Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
NoShamevember. You game?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
