so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
