i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
