So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.