i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
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I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
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Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.