I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?