Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor