I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor