Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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