what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
