I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
