Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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