You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
