I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
