Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
