Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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