I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
