Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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