I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
