Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
