In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
