Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
