I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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