the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
