Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize