I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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