theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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