Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
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Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
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Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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