Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Im part way to drunk.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
