He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
