Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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