i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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