its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
