put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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