Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
