The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
