I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
