so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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