what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
