SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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