What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
