I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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