I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
