Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
