what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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