Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
