i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't deserve a penis
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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